Thoughts From Coffee with an Addict

Christianity talks about being love to the hurting and broken, but I think we mistake “those in need” for those that "look" like us. Seeing as Jesus hung out with prostitutes, cheating tax collectors, betrayers, and the leprous, but was not like them, I don’t know why our brains persist in imagining those we will be called to help will look like us.
I think we need to be prepared that God will send us to someone different every single time we're called to help and they probably won’t look EXACTLY like us, but will be just like us.

I had no expectations when I saw a woman and felt I needed to pray for her. I was in a “zone” and just knew she needed to be prayed over. When I saw her I don’t know if I truly saw her, but I caught up to her and asked her if I could pray for her.

Long story short, God led me to a meth addict. Others categorized her as manipulator who would use me, and probably would never get clean, but how do I handle that when I KNOW God led me to help her? I probably wouldn’t have noticed her if God hadn’t pointed me to her and given me the sense to pray for her. How do we deal when we KNOW we are to do something that may not end well?

How does one befriend a meth addict? They’re users so they’ll probably use you if you befriend them. How do you help someone that can’t help themselves? How do you help someone so deceived? Where do you start with someone so in need of God, but too strung out to receive him?

I’ve written on mentorship, but I never actually envisioned mentoring someone with such self-loathing, anorexia, anxiety, a past of self-harm, obsessive compulsive disorder, and 22 years of drug use to her name. Where do you start? How do you help that? I’m not a therapist!

A former pastor once preached - what I still consider his best sermon - on the Law and the Love. Basically, he preached the law exists to teach us, show us what to do and how to live. The love, however, is what draws us to the person of Jesus Christ and makes the law matter. Without the love, we’d never be drawn to the law. Without the love, we’d never realized the value of the law. Without love, we’ll never live by the law. However, without the law, the love would be imbalanced.

So for a season God has asked that I care, love, and be available to someone maybe beyond my ability to help. But that doesn't get us out of being obedient... Or does it?

This woman and I are more alike than I want to admit. I’ve had to argue against the thoughts that my body is ugly, obese, undesirable, generally hideous and in need of starving into beauty. Such lies of the devil should make us all furious, yet how many of us have thought such things? If I can lose 10 more pounds or just be SOMETHING other than what I am... if I can be more acceptable to the cultural standard of beauty, perhaps I won’t hate myself as much as I currently do. But when did belonging and acceptance become indicators of our worth and not the result of the law and the love?

There are times life becomes so pressing and hard, the idea of cutting seems like an adequate way of focusing the pain elsewhere. If I could concentrate on this physical pain, I won’t feel the hurt inside. I remember listening to some girls on how “smart people” cut their thighs so no one ever sees the scars. If we were real though, we have scars, whether we hide or wear them. We all hurt and just want to take the focus to a different pain. But when did hiding pain and self-destruction become more normal than openly speaking of the true love and true law available?

The one most common denominator between me and this girl is our mind games. We both fight our greatest battle there. We both used the “hamster wheels won’t stop!” and knew exactly what the other meant. We both understood the lies that get pressed between our ears, the doubts, the non-stop mental processing that is a great strength, but also our greatest weakness. But when did the mental images and internal processing get more credit than the truth of the law and the love?

We all self-medicate. We use chocolate, new shoes, a special treat, a hobby, a retreat, a drink, a shot, a bottle, some pills, some injections, some slitting, etc. Some are harmless. Some are harmful. Regardless of our method, are we remembering, reiterating, retelling, and resembling the law and the love more than advocating ways of self-medicating our issues?

The law tells us of a better way to live. The love gives us worth. The law teaches of higher statutes and promises. The love shows us the price paid for us. The law gives a narrow road to true freedom. The love is unending no matter how many times we fall short.

My girl is now written on my heart. What else can you do when God points you toward someone and gives you a fast and furious love for them and you can do nothing? I hope I’ve spoken of the law and love equally enough to her that she knows that much now.

But to be honest, she’s made my addictions and sin more obvious. I don’t have a scratching habit that reveals my addiction, because my sins could fit in a closet and no one has to know how and where I struggle. She covers her arms so I don’t see the evidence of infection and signs of drugs in her body, but I also cover up my sin and pretend it doesn’t have side effects or consequences. I don’t look like her, but I’m just like her.

How this tale shall end, I knoweth not. But it has led me to pray for God to rid me of my sin and addictions. I don’t know that this beautiful woman will still speak to me from one day to the next or if I’ll ever know how her story ends. But I know this. God showed me her. And he’s showed me my heart, having met her. And he's showed me my heart can do things I didn’t know it could do before. It’s been an experience to say the least.

Whether he gives me a young girl to mentor to maturity or a older-than-me meth addict to speak love to for a flash of time, I’ll be obedient and take the lessons and people God sends me to have coffee with.  

Photo Cred: Peter Griffin - publicdomainpictures.net