CHURCH!?!?! YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM!!! - Part III - Mentoring Isn’t Lame: For Generation Y

I’ve set myself an impossible task. There’s no way to make mentoring appealing to every “unaffiliated” Christian or non-Christian between the ages of 18 and 30. It’s not possible.

So to start the wheels of thought, I will just ask some questions:

• What does mentoring of this group of people actually look like? 
• What does it look like in the local church? 
• Could it function as a ministry? 
• What end are we hoping for by mentoring these kids?

Well, let’s start with people like me, that want to be in the church, but kind of secretly hate “the church” for letting our age group be forgotten and having no where to plug in. I’m going to start with several bullet points for my generation, to prepare you for a pattern of thinking that might be new to you.

To the Young Folks:

• Grey hair (or no hair) and wrinkles mean “a life live,” not out of touch and practically dead.
• Don’t be an ageist. There are people outside your peer group you may enjoy. Younger or older.
• Most older people are oblivious to this demographic gap in the church. They didn’t plan on us feeling out of place in the church or letting us drop through the cracks. They didn’t know it was happening or mean for it to happen. Don’t be angry at the old school members of the church.
• Listen with the intent to hear.
• Let go of the past church grudges. They won’t ever come back to apologize. Move on.
• Learn to put your phone down once and a while.
• You don’t know it all.

Now, the problem is convincing 18- to 30-year-old crowd that mentoring and being mentored isn’t grotesque, old-fashioned, or punishment for what parents might call “wild behavior.” Let’s try and find a different perspective.

A mentor simply means a, “an experienced and trusted adviser.” It doesn’t mean a parent or guardian. It doesn’t mean a babysitter or disapproving shadow watching your every move. It doesn’t mean you’re a baby or a failure. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it on your own.

A mentor simply means you acknowledge that you don’t have all the answers. A mentor means you need wise advice now and then. A mentor means you see you need to grow in an area and this human can help you.

I have mentors in several areas. I have a music teacher that goes back to 5th grade. She will always be my mentor in the area of my musical pursuits concerning all bassoon-nerdisms. No one will top her place in my life of having the right and standing to say anything and everything, and getting me to believe it wholeheartedly, where the bassoon is concerned.  Her educated and proven wisdom on all matters bassoon, reeds, orchestra, performance, music, professional etiquette, etc, win out every time. I have different people I seek when it’s a vocal question, choral idea, or when I need artistic feedback. We already have mentors in other areas of life, it’s just faith advisers that aren’t cool.

Many people in the music world have mentors. People that help you network and build yourself. People in business have “first-years,” that they train up with their experience. Tradesmen take on apprentices to teach them the work by hands-on training.  College students intern with a company or person in order to glean knowledge and experience from that entity.

Why is it so odd and uncomfortable then, to imagine “interning” with a man or woman of solid wisdom and morals in hopes of gaining knowledge and confidence in our faith?

It’s just not done. It’s just not cool. It’s weird to talk to old people. Maybe.

One of my dear friends turned 44 last month. Another friend is 35. Another is 25 and another is 59. Another is 60ish. Others are 16-, 15-, and 4-years-old . It isn’t hard for me to relate to different age groups. But for some 20-somethings, age can be a big issue to overcome.

My faith mentor is a fiery little lady. I’m not the most well-behaved Christian girl, so a normal, quiet blue-hair wouldn’t have worked out well for me. My mentor has long red fingernails most weeks, that flutter as she talks and her eyes keep up a snappy pace as she paints a word picture or tells a story.

I watched this woman. I love to people watch, regardless, but I think one learns a lot by closing the mouth and opening the eyes. And this woman, was something to watch. I saw her praying for people. I saw her talking with people. I saw her in business mode and in social mode. She was no nonsense and all authority when she spoke. She was powerful, energetic, ready to organize and plan, and not just talk. Now that I know her better, I know she’s also gracious and tender. But goodness! Can she be tough!

One Sunday after church, I met her in the lobby. I was probably a fool and oddity, but I asked if I might ask a question. She bubbled and bounced. Yes, yes of course I could. I bluntly asked, “Would you be willing to be my mentor?” She told me recently, I surprised her, and she didn’t even remember me from our previous encounters.  But she clasped her expressive hands together and looked toward heaven, and accepted with overflowing joy.

I hope I haven’t caused her to regret that choice.

It was a bit odd at first. We took more time chatting over coffee and french fries, getting to know one another’s lives before we ever got into deep spiritual matters. It took a couple months for me to be honest and open about the areas I really wanted her wisdom about.

I don’t always like her advice.

Once I felt challenged to do something I really, Really, REALLY didn’t want to do. I asked her for her opinion and she shook her long red fingernail at me and said,

“Shay-shay, if that’s what you feel the Lord is asking you to do, than you better be obedient!!!”

Hard to argue with that one. Sometimes she backs me up and other times she pulls the chair out from under me. But either way she shares a pot of coffee and lends an ear.

Now you can say this is cute, but just for me. That doesn’t work most places and it’s rare to find someone like that. True. Your mentor will look different than mine, because it’s your mentor, not mine. Maybe your mentor is your walking buddy. Maybe your mentor isn’t that much older than you, and you have play-dates for your kids. Maybe your mentor and you play golf, shoot hoops, go to spin class together. Maybe your mentor comes to your house. Maybe your mentor and you talk over the yard fence. Maybe you already have a mentor and you didn’t even realize it.

Until mentoring is something that functions in the “local” church, I’ll just throw a challenge out there for 20-somethings who want MORE. Just go do it on your own. We honestly can’t wait for the church to figure it out. Our generation has work to do. Go find a mentor. Hand select one. How?

Perhaps this is stating the obvious, but men seek male mentors and women seek female mentors. Then WATCH the men or women of quality in your spheres and pick one. You may have to dig deep. Pray that you will have the eyes to see the person you want to emulate. Pray you’ll see what it is you’re supposed to see. Watch. Look. Listen. I’ll forever be in favor of Watching and Listening. You’ll be amazed what you can discern by being quiet and watchful of your surroundings. I am just now realizing the number of things revealed to one by being quiet and watchful at church.

Now it’s okay to not spill your guts right away. I think that is wise. It’s okay to get lunch and see if there’s a “kindred spirit” there, a version of yourself 10, 20, 30 years down the road.  Be honest and ask and see what happens. If it turns out, the person can’t relate or isn’t what you thought, be honest, just be friends, and keep watching for someone else. If you are in earnest, in prayer, and in need, God won’t leave you watching for too long.

Not every person is going to be good at mentoring. Not every woman or man has a skill for relating to a younger crowd or encouraging someone. Do be selective. Do be picky choosing someone to speak into your life. One doesn’t go to the store and pick up the cheapest fertilizer and hope it works. If you really want results and growth, you pick out the best and trust it will make things grow. Mentors are the same.  

Until the church grows up, kids, I DARE you to find a mentor.

Next Episode: “Why Doesn’t The Church Do It For me???”

DISCLAIMER:

By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you--I, Paul, who am "timid" when face to face with you, but "bold" when away! I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world.  For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.     We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete. You are looking only on the surface of things. If anyone is confident that he belongs to Christ, he should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as he. For even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down, I will not be ashamed of it. I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters. For some say, "His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing." Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present. We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:1-14