At What Price?

Life is not always nice, joyful, sunshine and roses. There are times when rising in the morning is hard and sleeping at night isn’t restful. Times when joy is snatched from you like a dandelion wish, replaced with the despair of reality’s weeds. There are “seasons” one must “weather through” for whatever purpose God intends in our “storms.” And when life is a struggle, our minds turn into prisons that only multiply our problems with doubts, frustration, anger, depression, and fear. All the dark corners I’m supposed to deny inside, become all the more overwhelming and pressing as I fight to exist.  

To those “kindred spirits” in storms, here’s a thought with which I’ve been pushing back on those dark corners: I am willing to know Jesus, at what price?

It may sound silly, but would I trade my current closeness with Jesus, to be able to switch places with someone more successful? Are there areas of my life I want perfect more than I want to be in God’s presence and constantly developing a connection with my “daddy upstairs?” Is what I’m going through worth it because I have Christ?

There’s not a single stage of life where God isn’t with us, but am I shallow enough I’d trade God for a peer's success or lifestyle? Would I trade my faith to be a wife and mother? Would I trade my faith to actually be a good writer? Would I trade my faith to have a fantastic international photography career?

It’s not an one or the other situation, but I have to ask: is the discipleship that is wrought in our storms, worth the struggles we face? Will I one day choose to take a struggle over an easy path because I know it will increase my intimacy with God? Is intimacy with God worth it?

Or would I trade it all for success?

Would I trade it to avoid failure or to feel in control?

Would I trade it for owning my dream house, car, and semi-annual travel budget?

Would I trade it for being confident of my status in front of people?

Would I trade my faith as it is now, for anything?

My little paperback concordance only has one verse under the word, “Success.”

“Keep this Book of Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” ~ Joshua 1:8

God’s success is so weird. It looks like blind obedience or like those generational lists I skip over when reading the bible. Like rebuilt temples after years of exile. It looks like hard work on my face before God. God’s success looks very wrong to our human perspective.

And the world around us tells us the exact opposite; we must have big careers, perfect houses, yards, cars, children, vacations, and constantly be feeding our souls with stuff and experiences. I’m not condemning any of these things. I desire them as much as the next person. Right now, though, I don’t measure up by God’s or America’s standard.

But I know deep down in my gut, I would rather be where I am now, than where I was five years ago or even a year ago. And I would rather be where I am with Jesus today, than be anywhere “successful.” Maybe someday I'll accept the hurts and trials as joy because I know a life of ease won't teach me to lean on God.

Do I always feel that way? No. Does it make storms easier? Nope. Does it mean I always have faith and never freak out? I wish I was so spiritual so as to say yes, but I’m pretty rough yet and still break down on days when it just hurts, regardless of the deep roots it will - maybe - produce.   

The storm may be bleak, unfair, and just plain wrong. It may be long, tedious, and painful. The season may never end and we may have to always carry a “thorn in our flesh” as we pilgrimage. But every now and then, asking “knowing Christ at what cost?” helps me to garner strength for another hour of hope. Perhaps it will help you.