CHURCH!?!?! YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM!!! - Part II

So, the Church has a problem. We have a generation of displaced young Christians and a large demographic of unchurched 18- to 30-year-olds. How do we solve this??? I’m so glad you asked!

The common trend for these 20-something Christians is to be “youth sponsors” or leaders or babysitters or whatever you want to call them. You’re 19 and bored, but still a part of a church? A great ministry opportunity for you is to volunteer with the youth group. They always need chaperones to  “mentor” the youth.

I don’t know where this model came from, but THIS IS AN AWFUL IDEA.

I was 20ish when I was ask to assist with youth ministries. It lasted maybe a summer, if that, and I quit. I couldn’t take it. I was older and wiser, but I couldn’t speak in a way that they could hear. I was not capable of handling their immaturity, and they weren’t capable of handling a 20-something still figuring life out for herself.  It was a bad idea.

If you’re 19 you have NO BUSINESS MENTORING 16-YEAR-OLDS!

Why is this a problem?

Because we don’t let 5-year-olds mentor the 3-year-olds. We don’t let 6th graders mentor the 3rd graders. We don’t let 9th graders mentor the 5th graders, etc. We want the grandmas’ in the church loving on the preschoolers. The mommies and aunts teaching the kindergartners. The men and women of maturity instructing the middle school kids. The last thing high-schoolers need is the mentoring influence of a 19- or 21-year-old who doesn’t understand themselves let alone their life’s calling. This is a case of the blind leading the blind.

There are always exceptions and some 21-year-olds could be a wonderful influence on teenages. But most are not and never will be. Plus, there is a reverse effect. How does “hanging out” with high schoolers affect these 18-30-year-olds? Negatively.

High school kids creates drama for the thrill and high. Adults avoid this because they know life will create drama without any help. For the impressionable “extended adolescent” victims, being friends with more high school age individuals than adults is not healthy. They never realize they are stuck in a chronic state of high school mentality, and I’d venture some get stuck in a stagnant place in their spiritual journey. I would also argue that this system is not biblical.

Jethro mentored Moses. Moses mentored Joshua. Joshua mentored the other remaining leaders of his army. Eli mentored Samuel. Samuel mentored King Saul and King David. King David mentored King Solomon. Elijah mentored Elisha. Elisha mentored King Jehoash and others. Daniel mentored Nebuchadnezzar. Mordecai mentored Esther. Paul mentored Titus, Timothy, and many others. Priscilla and Aquila mentored Apollos. JESUS MENTORED the twelve disciples who established the church.  

The leader mentored the next generations leader. Great people mentored great people. Joshua had a mentor. He did great things. Easter had a mentor. She did great things. All of the disciples were MENTORED BY JESUS. Nowhere were babies mentoring babies.

“But Shaina, I feel called to youth ministry!!”

Great! But you’re 18. Time to go to school and get a pastoral degree or gain some world experiences away from home and away from your home-church for awhile. Time to go do something. Time to grow up. Time to grow in God and in Christianity so you have something to give those kids. You can be called to youth ministries. But make sure you’re not at the same level of spirituality that those kids are at. Make sure you’re three steps ahead of what they’re learning. Make sure you’re maturing.  You can’t do that if you don’t seek a mature mentor outside of youth ministries. Make sure you’re not at the same spiritual level you were at when you were 18, when you were 21, when you were 25, when you were 30. If at any moment you think, “I’m at the same place I was last year...” something is WRONG. You think I’m crazy and judgemental? Probably. But I’ve seen this in too many places and I honestly ache for these overgrown kids who don’t know any better and are stuck in a place I doubt many of them even like.

If you’re not being mentored, you’re probably in trouble. I don’t mean your best friend or your brother. A mentor is different. It’s someone who has something to teach you. It’s someone who has a skill, a trade, sage wisdom to impart. It means an advisor. This person will become a friend as well, but they are ahead of you so as to teach you new things they’ve learned, maybe the hard way.

You’ve read all of my ranting so far [maybe...] and you’re ready to stab me. Fair enough.

Now.  Here is what I see as the only logical course of action to remedy these issue, for the displaced and the “unaffiliated,” that will gravitate to a church that has a better working model for their demographic.

Stop trying to build new “young adult” ministries because that will perpetuate the problem and will look like a singles groups. Stop encouraging or allowing the extended adolescents to be true of your church community. Throw the immature into the group of "mature" adults and find them one-on-one mentors.

The church should be turning out spiritual warriors from this 18 to 30-year-old category. Warriors, like the German mercenaries of old,  who have determination and a solid foundation for whatever area of life they’ve been called to work in. The young adults of the church should be a people of confidence in their Christ-given identity and solidity of morals and understanding. Not these youths easily washed away by society. Not the undecided and confused so prevalent on the college campuses. Not the immature still in love with high school and the boyfriend/girlfriend highs that they don’t know how to interact with adults and achieve real relationships. The church should be building an army here, but they are losing these kids instead. Because most churches only have a place for them if they have kids or help out with youth ministries, and that is a poison to them actually maturing.

Poison, really? Yes, really, because they need to be challenged. They need tough ideas and theology and issues with which to wrestle. The whole world is seeking and craving spirituality like a DIY project and the 20-somethings more so than ever, feel this void. Challenge them with thoughts and prayers and God’s word. Give them teachings and mentorship that will push them beyond themselves, beyond hedonistic thinking, beyond self-centered living and beyond a two-dimensional idea of God to the real God, who is bigger than they ever considered before.

What does this look like practically?  All 20-somethings (or whatever age this gap has you at) need to be partnered and mentored by someone older. Someone ‘old’ enough that the younger one respects them and will listen to them, young enough to relate to human products of the 21st century. All humans need mentors, no matter their age. I promise the “old folks,” you’ll learn something from the younger generation if you get involved with them long enough.

You want smart, mature, active 20-somethings? Then find the smart, mature spiritual leaders in your community and hook the two to the same wagon. Pair the person doing prison ministry with a young man needing to see life from a different perspective. The old school brethren should invite the dumb boys along on their Saturday fishing/hunting/bowling night. Have the girl with self-esteem issues and social obsessions help with events or go with a woman of maturity to work in her ministry. Ladies, invite young girls on coffee dates, shopping sprees, and just talk. Have the unsure college kid or struggling young adult attend prayer with the adults. Invite these displaced people to whatever group and give them a mentor or “exiting buddy.” Stop trying to create a gap filler and have the adults move over and make room. These kids will soon be the backbone of the American church. Surround them and treat them as adults. Give these “babies” some heavy doses of God and stand back. They will like it and they will thrive on it once they experience it.  

Generation Y has the passion for change and the energy to make amazing things happen. They just need to be given direction and ammunition.  

I have a mentor. She’s wonderful. I said “frakking”, an intergalactic swear word, and she didn’t miss a beat. She was more interested in the heart and passion of my topic than the words I used to express it. It was a relief that I didn’t need to apologize or worry about offending her. She is a prayer warrior and I have confidence in her, trusting her to keep my secrets and lift me up in prayer. How many people like that do you have in your corner?  

Am I bitter over being in this displaced group? No. I think I was once when I first came to see it.  But I have a firm belief in mentorship now I didn’t have 6 years ago. I have different perspectives now and more grace to see why it is the way it is, without bitterness.  Now I see the problem and I am in prayer for Generation Y and church.

“Churches are realizing two things: teenagers leave after youth group, and there are no young adults in our church. Sure, there might be a lame and weird little young adult group of some sort; but in many churches, you know your average high school graduate wouldn’t be caught dead going to that group... In response, churches around North America are creating young adult youth groups. Really, that’s what they are (of course, they wouldn’t call them that). And this, my youth worker friends, is only perpetuating and extending some of the very problems we’re discovering about how we’ve approached youth group for the past 40 years or so. Isolation isn’t the church; homogeneity doesn’t have much of a scent of the Kingdom of God. And creating these pockets of isolation only further removes the onramps to adulthood that teenagers (and now “emerging adults”) so desperately need.  Here’s why I care about this: just like I don’t want my 13 year old son to have the same faith he had when he was 8, I hope he isn’t stuck with his current faith when he’s 26. And, I feel the same for every teenager in my church. To be honest, I feel the same about every teenager in your church.” ~ Mark Oestreicher, a 30-year veteran of youth ministry, and the former President of Youth Specialties ( 2013, Leal).  

Give them unfiltered God. Give them mentors. Give them God’s penetrating Word and Spirit. No more fluff. No more pretty church. Give them real substance and truth. God will take care of it from there.

Next Episode: Mentoring Isn’t Lame

Mentioned Articles:
MARANTZ HENIG, R. (August, 2010 18). What is it about 20-somethings?. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

STAFF. (November, 2010 11). The biblical model of mentoring. Retrieved from http://threadsmedia.com/lead/article/the-biblical-model-of-mentoring/

Leal, C. (May , 2013 24). Escaping neverland. Retrieved from http://www.worldmag.com/2013/05/escaping_neverland

Other Related Articles:

http://www.firstthings.com/article/2011/11/a-generation-detached

http://www.albertmohler.com/2010/08/23/why-arent-emerging-adults-emerging-as-adults/

DISCLAIMER:

By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you--I, Paul, who am "timid" when face to face with you, but "bold" when away! I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world.  For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.     We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete. You are looking only on the surface of things. If anyone is confident that he belongs to Christ, he should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as he. For even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down, I will not be ashamed of it. I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters. For some say, "His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing." Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present. We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:1-14